All Aboard

I'm a day late again. And a dollar short. Oh well, here is a photo from a year ago yesterday.

This is a Russian man named Igor who speaks no English. He wandered into our compartment looking for conversation and drinking buddies. He spoke for hours, it seemed, and all we could do was say "da" and smile and wonder what the hell he was talking about.

Igor was intent on smashing down any language barrier by constantly repeating things he said until we pretended to understand. The only thing I did grasp was "vodka", a word he uttered just before disappearing to fetch us a bottle.

Nice enough guy, I think, but I was still relieved when another compartment mate of ours got on. This guy spoke English and eventually our English-only conversation cut out Igor enough that he decided to wander back to his own compartment.

The rest of the evening involved more vodka.

Coming To This

Article number seven has been published in the Exeter News-Letter. The link is on the right as always, or just click here. In this month's edition, I talk about language.

Though my trip is finished, I'll continue writing articles for the next five months to make the column go an even year. Enjoy.

A Bit of Rhyming Collocation and Bob's Your Uncle

Cockney rhyming slang might be the most valuable contribution to the English language to ever come out of Britain. I was pleased to discover its existence from the renowned travel writer Jamie Maslin during a shared hiatus in Kazakhstan, but also shocked that a learned scholar such as myself remained ignorant of it for so long.

Rhyming slang phrases are derived from taking an expression which rhymes with a word and then using that expression instead of the word. For example the word "look" rhymes with "butcher's hook". In many cases the rhyming word is omitted - so you won't find too many Londoners having a "bucher's hook" at this site, but you might find a few having a "butcher's".

That's courtesy of cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk. Clearly there is rhyme here, but never any reason. I think that's the beauty of rhyming slang: it's got less sense than an initial glance at that slab of stone pictured a top. That's the Rosetta Stone by the way, they got it at the British Museum. You know, the rock they named the software after? Turns out, it's designed to make sense.

Rhyming slang confused the hell out of me for awhile, but I've started getting it down. I collocate the word in question, and then find a rhyme for the most likely pair, and I usually work it out.

Still don't get it? The Wikipedia page is pretty straight forward.

Sadly, it's just contrived and unnatural when a septic like myself tries to use it. Still it's helpful to understand, just in case rhyming slang gets thrown on the critical language list for the US foreign service. Having a bit of that, along with Korean, would really boost me in the selection process.

Just remember, collocate, rhyme, and Robert's your father's brother.

Paul Theroux Would Love This!

Apparently Indians have been exposed to dangerously sexy deodorant ads. According to a BBC article:

"The ads brim with messages aimed at tickling libidinous male instincts," India's information ministry said in a statement.

Can you believe that? Awesome! What a statement!

Cross-Cultural Cursing

This post contains many offensive words, in many languages. Just a warning for all you pussies out there. Also, I generally haven't scoured dictionaries and online forums to back these up, so if you know the languages I refer to and realize I fucked up, gimme a break.

I think curse words and rude sayings are great. I'm a firm believer that anything truly offensive is said not with words but with meaning. Said warmly, "You dumb fucking sonofabitch!" can be much more endearing than "You don't mean anything to anyone" said sincerely.

Traveling, one picks up all sorts of new words that help him get around. I'd tell you some, but I forgot most of them. "Baksheesh" is one that I actually recall, a widely recognized term around central Asia meaning a bribe, basically. That's a good one to smile at and pretend you don't understand when Kazakh train attendants pull you into their compartment to allegedly clear up immigration issues since you're the only foreigner on the train.

But what's most fun is learning words you shouldn't say. Like using the Italian toast chin chin in Japan. You may want to toast to someone's health, but in Japan those words make you wind up raising your glass to cock (by which I mean penis).

If you say the word fanny, as in 'fanny pack', or 'brush off your fanny', in nearly any English-speaking country outside of north America, you're talking about pussy (by which I mean vagina), which really lends those two phrases some interesting interpretations. A British instructor of mine also got a bit of a surprise when another American mentioned giving someone a wet willy. Willy is the male equivalent of fanny, duh. I guess they have a different name for licking your finger and sticking it in someone's ear over the pond.

One terminal station of the subway line I use here in Istanbul is Darüşşafaka. Now that doesn't translate into anything dirty as far as I know, but I like the idea of someone mentioning Darüşşafaka to me, and saying back, "Yeah, well Darüşşafaka you too, asshole!"

A word that can lead to great misunderstandings among black people and Koreans (I'm told the meaning is similar in Chinese, but what do I know?) is 니가 (ni-ga). This means "you" in Korea. It also sounds like "nigger" with a Korean accent. A teacher friend of mine had a middle school student who was up in the mountains with his family, enjoying a weekend hike, singing some song with ni-ga in it, when a black guy confronted him.

"What did you say?" asked the black man.
"Uh, just singing a song," said the Korean boy.
"Did you say 'nigger'?"
"Yeah. That means 'you'."
"What?" roared the black man.
"Not you! 'You!'" the Korean boy feebly explained.

The misunderstanding was cleared up. True story.

Maggie recently told me that Coca-Cola is just called coca everywhere in South America. Except, she found out, in Colombia, where it means what it sounds like. Surprisingly though, her waiter didn't actually bring her cocaine.

Disappointed at how lame all these have been? Well, I've saved the best for last.

Probably my favorite cross-cultural curse of all time is the word for sugar in Kazakh (similar in Azeri). Observe:

There's nothing like starting off your morning with tea and some cunt. In fact, a bit of cunt spread throughout the day can really keep you going, just make sure to constantly resupply yourself with cunt, or else you might find yourself running out of energy and crashing. Remember to always ask politely before taking cunt away from in front of a stranger, or even your friends. Some cunt after dinner is always nice, just don't forget to brush your teeth before you go to bed. Too much cunt can really do you damage after all.

There is no end to the juvenile humor in Kazakhstan as long as you know this wonderful word. Just ask Jamie Maslin, even asking unwitting Kazakh acquaintances how to say 'sugar' in Kazakh doesn't get old.

***update!***

By a happy coincidence, a couple new foreign curse words came up organically in class today. Apparently, if you try to protest something by saying "Yeah, but...", you are basically saying 'fuck' or 'fuck it' in Polish. Nice. Another nice little tip: at a fruit market in Turkey, don't point to a peach and just say 'peach' in English. You'll sound like you're strongly accusing the merchant of being a bastard.

***end update!***

With cultural awareness like this, I don't think anyone can dispute the claim that traveling truly broadens one's mind.